Genuine Apologies

“I’m sorry”

is a good way to apologize.

You want to only apologize when you mean it.

You can ask forgiveness without apologizing.

“Forgive me”

says your goal wasn’t to offend and you want to communicate that.

Difficult conversations can put you in a place where you’ll want to do this.

But if you know that given the same circumstances you’d do the same thing, don’t say you’re sorry.

For example,

Someone I know personally attacked a tweet I made in a reply and after we discussed in the dms he recanted and apologized.

He didn’t make his retraction and apology public but his rebuttal that came with gusto was still there.

Some days later (I gave it time), I called him out publicly for coming at me with so much energy and not matching his energy when he recanted and apologized.

As much as possible, the energy of a genuine apology should match the energy of the offense.

Decorum suggests my dear friend make ammends in public but alas it had to be spelt out.

This happened long enough ago for me to give this illustration without anyone knowing who I’m talking about.

I shared it publicly so others don’t follow that same example (a relative liked his rebuttal)

Being scared of hurting the feelings of your friends to the point they make you say things you don’t mean, suggests your relationship isn’t high quality.

Written by Mayowa Daniel who lives and works in Abuja building useful things. You should follow him on Twitter. I'm iterating on this voice note journaling and sharing tool called olog. Get it on iOS, on Android and on the web. You can see WIP and suggest edits to articles here